Shedding for winter

I have moved into a place I do not foresee leaving for a while and I am amazed at the transformation of attitude I have experienced. At my sublet in NE Minneapolis I knew I was leaving and never unpacked or felt comfortable in the space. I put up with discomfort and awkward storage places. My personal affects were hidden from view. I know I breathed in and out there, but my spirit was not alive there. Now that I am in my new home in South Minneapolis, I know what it really means to breathe.

My room is spacious and the color soothing. The deep Madonna blue is not trying to hide itself away, but has its own presence in the room and I have a friend in this color. I am inspired to come out of my shell and really be myself with a color that vibrant. My purple room also is not trying to be white...this color wants to be itself without hesitation. I never realized how much I hated white walls...and I cannot wait to finish the hallway in the orange that I think will always be a fire for my spirit as I walk through. White helps one see imperfections and flaws, not only on the wall but also in oneself...and I need no reminders.

I was so scared to move here from Madison, to leave all those I knew and loved behind and make a life in a new city basically from scratch. But I left, needing to stand on my own two feet, and I am standing strong. When I moved from my sublet I felt some sadness at leaving the new friends who were also my roommates...they eased my transition considerably. By getting to know them, I was reminded of the good that is in people. But I hope to stay friends with them even as I leave them there. I feel like I have finally left the nest...since leaving my parents' house was so easy.

The move has not been the only change in my life of late. I recently have realized I have to let go of people who are pulling me back or holding me down. I carry so many people who I care about, but I have to make my own way without them any more. I am terrified of this even while I am so much more at peace. I am learning to say no all over again...and not feel bad. My feelings have not changed for these people, but my need to stay connected or to get comfort from them or to agree to do things I really do not want to do is gone. I am free and slightly giddy from this new sensation, but now I realize how to declutter one's heart. Mmm...mmm...good.