An incomparably fruitful starting place

I am reading a book entitled The Experience of Nothingness by Michael Novak. I want to write about my perceptions and thoughts pertaining to this reading...and elaborate on them using other texts, teachings and trepidations that I have encountered elsewhere.

The book was written in 1970 and I really know very little about the author...but I recently looked him up and found out that he is considered a Theologian and has strong ties to religious teachings. I find this odd because I am not encountering that tone in this book, which is more philosophical and existentialistic. But I do agree that the experience about which he writes is a concern of religious individuals and leaders. Please look him up if you want more information on him or his other books.

Part of me feels his book is outdated in reference to "our time" because a lot has changed in 40 years. However, I am looking for a way out of my own feeling of nothingness...and this helps frame my thinking...even while I am staying aloof from the doctrine.

I started blogging about another idea that relates significantly, but I needed to change the title and do this blog for a while...until i can think more about the specific idea I was trying to address. Additionally...I want a private and a public forum for my thoughts. I am going to open this one up to others that I know in the hopes of having comments that make me think harder and deeper about the issues I address. I know it is very easy to spiral into your own mind and stay there. Of course part of me is sick with the idea that I am doing this for attention or to show people something about the inner workings of a mind that I deem to be highly interesting. I am not doing that...but I do have a small aversion to blogging because it implies that you think other people want to read about you and your thoughts. Why do we think that?

Perhaps someone can offer me insight into the reasoning behind blogging and help show me that it is not an actual symptom of THE experience of nothingness that I am talking about! If we all are looking for answers or feedback or connection through blogging...are we not also feeling a sense of loss or disconnect and that is what drives us? I have heard many opinions about our generation...and I mean mine...but this generation is the one that is doing the most blogging. I am actually almost more concerned about the older generations that have started blogging in droves...because I cannot understand their motivation in the same terms...and have not yet found a new vocabulary for what they are seeking. I am aware that it could be the same thing we all are searching for, but I cannot reconcile the idea of separating generations from each other and ascribing to them very particular problems, attitudes and behaviors if we are all really experiencing and responding in kind.

So I offer that up for interpretation...if anyone wants to read this far into a post by someone is aware that she is not the center of the world or even that important in the grand scheme of things...but I also do not find that disheartening in itself...we are all here and interacting with others, affecting things, and wanting to make an impression on the world somehow...but we are still small. Or big if you want...but we are all equally sized in comparison to others...but just feel our world is the world and struggle with the same questions. So, I do not what my next step should be, when there is so many places to put it down...and really none that are inherently better than others...there are just too may choices...and someone who is all too keenly aware that her choice does not inherently matter. The meaning of all actions is prescribed by humankind and so if we do right it is by a code that may have stood the test of time and been adopted by many...but it is still somewhat artificial. This is a very difficult realization to have and there are way too many people who could tell me what they think I should do and how...but their conviction that they are right in that makes me ill...and envious that they have a strong feeling...and all the more confused as to what my next move should be, or will be, or already is.

If you want to express a thought or a feeling that is about this post, I welcome it with open arms...but please do not respond with a joke or a silly piece of advice...I want this to be serious at least for awhile...use facebook for your humor in response to my status. Thanks.