The fear of looking like an idiot was easily overcome albeit inadvertently. Without really trying to squash that trepidation, I managed to do just that when I made my resolution to dance no matter what. This resolution (no relation to the New Year's Resolution) is threefold; when I go to a live music show I have resolved to (1) dance no matter if there is a dance floor or not, (2) dance no matter if anyone else is dancing or not, and (3) dance creatively with my whole body, no simple toe-tapping, head-bobbing, or side-to-side swaying allowed as the entirety of the dance.
Being the only one on the dance floor a number of times or starting to dance in a sit down restaurant where there was no dance floor, but an awesome live band helped me get over my fear of standing out and being possibly an idiot. I never thought that I looked like an idiot until the member of one of the bands who I had danced along with told me as a way of thanks, "everyone out there may think you are an idiot for dancing alone, but they are really the idiots!" I think she is right, at least about the latter part.
A few weeks ago, I was out with friends back in Madison and a game of darts began to happen...I was horrified! Darts is one of those things I have managed to avoid by claiming I have no skills for it and stubbornly insisting I will just watch. I was out with three people and we needed four for teams...the desire to contribute to their enjoyment of the evening pressured my fear of the game into succumbing to play. It also helped that the other girl with me was telling me it was easy and I would be fine. (I still do not know why I seem to be missing the little voice of confidence that could whisper that to myself because I am so often the loudest encourager of others.) After almost three years of knowing these friends, I was finally able to do something new in their presence!
Committing to do my best was the hardest part, but as soon as I was in the game, my head became focused and my hand steady. I was able to put the dart where I wanted it and then I scored the winning bulls-eye at the end to cinch the game for my team. Everyone kept saying "see?" and "told you so" but I was amazed...I was not bad and actually enjoyed myself.
The same thing happened with bowling the other day. My friends had asked me to go to the Bryant Lake Bowl because I had recently been there for dinner and they have always wanted to go there. An hour before I was expected there, as I picked my going-out outfit I realized with a jolt, that they may want to bowl and NOT eat anything since it would be after the dinner hour. I was thrown for a loop and called to ask my friend and it was confirmed that bowling would be the main event and food would be limited to appetizers.
I went downstairs and quickly had a bite to eat and made sure my outfit was suitable for bowling, and then started to resign myself to the fact that I had to play. I have not really been a strong bowler in the past and I like to do things I can do well and avoid the ones in which I am lacking skills. But after offering the disclaimer that I am a bad bowler, I proved myself to be a liar. I bowled a 102 the first game and a 98 the second. I was in second place both games, having beat my friend's boyfriend and losing to her.
These two friends are quickly becoming my best Minneapolis friends and I feel very comfortable trying new things with them, because their attitude is all about fun and being positive. No matter what they bowled they made light of it or celebrated the moment. What a great attitude! I found myself being swept up with it and got in the zone. Being able to commit to do something well is what makes it all work.
I have started to resolve myself to be a participant and not an observer in all things. The latest situation to which I am trying to apply this philosophy is dating. I am not quite sure how it relates, but I feel this is the most important way to utilize it. I think it is a simple matter of being open-minded and feeling free to be myself, while maintaining the awareness that I am looking for a connection and if none happens that is ok. It is ok when I do not to see someone again, it is ok if I am not attracted to them. I have to be able to tell the guy that, I should not be afraid to disappoint them because it is part of dating. If one party does not like the other, there is no way a relationship will work...so I have to start dating well, and that includes telling men I do not think we are a good fit.
I am scared to do this, but this time the fear is about delivering the news in the nicest way possible so as not to hurt whatever man is in question. But I also have to fully open myself up to the let the connection have its best chance at happening. Dating is not simple and being receptive to new people is a very complicated affair. I hope I can rise to the occasion and accept the challenge.
